I am not telling this story because I want to. I am putting this out in the universe because it is important right now.
The timing is absolutely ironic. I had an abortion June 25th 2021. The story is complicated.
When I was about 14 years old, I was told that I have a bicornuate uterus. The doctor at that time told me that I would never be able to get pregnant. I found out later that this statement was completely false and the doctor should never have told me that. I have a split uterus. It is the shape of a heart and and has a hard spot that makes it difficult to conceive with a higher likelihood for miscarriage and premature birth.
I am allergic to latex and have experienced suicidal thoughts as a side effect from birth control in my past, so birth control was tricky. I started exclusively dating women in 2010 and didn’t have to worry about birth control for almost 10 years.
You all already know that in May 2020, I was diagnosed with bilateral Vertebral Artery Dissections causing multiple strokes. By then I had been dating my boyfriend, David, for almost a year. I started taking hormonal birth control pills pretty much immediately when David and I got together and they seemed to be agreeing with my body. What I’ve gathered from my research, the birth control had nothing to do with the artery tears, however, the contraception is likely the cause of all the strokes that followed. My blood was more susceptible to clotting due to birth control pills. All hormonal birth control has this side effect and it is just something woman have to deal with…the benefit outweighs the risk, right? I was immediately taken off the pills in the ICU following my diagnosis.
I struggled to find a solution to my birth control need after I was sent home from the hospital. About a month after my VAD/strokes, I inquired about an IUD to my primary physician. I was curious if it was something viable due to the shape of my uterus. My doctor(a woman) sent me to a OB/GYN in the next town over. The MAN I ended up seeing was D. K. STOKES. This man is a horrible excuse for a human who has a reputation for treating woman like whores and doing awful procedures on them without giving them options. I did not know this at the time. I went in with a simple question; I told him I had a bicornuate uterus and asked if it is possible to get an IUD with this condition. He gave me no answers but set up an appointment to do an ultrasound the following week and sent me home with information on GETTING MY UTERUS REMOVED! He pushed this information on me, stating that I am too old to have children and this would be my best option. I never once mentioned this idea to him.
One week later, I went in for a simple ultrasound. I was only a month or so post-VAD and was still on blood thinners. I was not allowed to take ibuprofen or other anti-inflammatory at the time and was not supposed to elevate my heart rate or blood pressure under any circumstances. Upon arrival at the office, I was taken into a room by a nurse. The first thing she asked me is if I had taken my pain killers. Um…What?! Yeah, apparently this ‘procedure’ can be painful for some people. I was so confused. I didn’t know I was having a procedure. I explained to her that I can’t take pain pills of any kind and that no one told me to do so for this appointment or I would have reconsidered going at all. Since I was already there, I decided to just continue with the ‘procedure’. The last thing I needed at that time was an unwanted pregnancy (my arteries couldn’t handle such things and a pregnancy may result in my death). The nurse had me undress and she performed a standard ultrasound. One on the outside of my body, and one inside my vagina…all very standard and exactly what I had been expecting. Then D. STOKES came in. I asked him what he was going to do to me and he gave some aloof description about shoving some tools up my cervix and pumping my uterus full of saline and doing an ultrasound. Ok…he started and the entire thing was horribly painful. Some of the worst pain I have felt in my life. It lasted 10 or so minutes and he was not explaining to me what he was doing or why. He touched my vagina without giving me any warning; shoved tools in me without notice. And when he was done, he pulled the tools out of me to let the saline drain and TOOK A BOX OF TISSUES off the counter and WIPED MY VAGINA DOWN!!! He was not gentle. It was unsanitary and a MAJOR VIOLATION on my body. I was crying from pain and the entire procedure elevated my heart rate to a certain dangerous level in my condition. He asked if I had any questions, and I just told him I would talk to him at the next appointment about my results. I was absolutely stunned. I was a deer in the headlights and just wanted to run to the safety of my car. He left and the nurse asked if I had brought a pad because I would be bleeding for several days. I explained to her again that I was not told ANY of this, so, NO, I did not bring a pad. Let me remind you again that I was on BLOOD THINNERS. This was also dangerous for my body. The poor nurse looked as stunned and traumatized as I was as she handed me a massive pad to place in my underwear. I went in the bathroom as she waited. As soon as I shut the door, I sobbed deeply. I had been violated by someone who should have been helping me. And as an extremely vulnerable time in my life. I had just had 5 strokes and my brain was still firing very slowly. Everything that man did to me was not only unprofessional, but dangerous as well.
At my follow up appointment, the doctor told me that the results of the procedure were that, yes, in fact, I did have a bicornuate uterus. YEAH! I already knew that! I asked again if an IUD was an option. He wasn’t sure but told me I could come back in for further imaging in which they stick more things into my vagina and cervix and shove a camera inside me. I finally got the strength to tell the man that the procedure completely caught me off guard. That’s when his accent became stronger than ever and said it must have just been miscommunication due to the language barrier. I left so defeated and with no answers to the question I had sought at the start. I went back into the office one last time to gather my records for my next physician. When I finally got my file, there was no evidence that he did a procedure on me; no images, no diagnosis. Nothing. And…no bill. They never charged me for the procedure that never happened so I had no way to come after him for malpractice.
My primary physician referred me to someone else when I told her what happened. In regards to D. STOKES she said, “Oh, yeah. I’ve heard that about him.”!!!! (Side note: This is also the physician who told me to get help for my alcohol addiction when I was experiencing strokes. Since I had vertigo, she deduced that I must just be drunk.)
My new OB/GYN was horrified by my story. She told me that the procedure he did to me was completely unnecessary and wouldn’t ever be required to find out about an IUD. So we made an appointment to insert a copper IUD. She explained that the shape and inelasticity of my bicornuate uterus would make rejection more likely, but there was no reason not to try. I felt safe in the hands of this new doctor. That is, until I came into the office for the insertion.
The appointment to get the Paragard inserted was going great. Just my doctor and I talking about the IUD and how long it can remain in my body, what the possible risks are, how effective it is, etc. When it came time to place the device, another 2 women came into the room…one of them was learning how to insert an IUD for the first time and they were going to use me to train her. Wow. This didn’t make sense to me since I have a difficult uterus, but I was trying to be agreeable. When she inserted it, she seemed nervous and unsure…There was a definite “is it in yet?” moment. Fuck. I was just happy when it was over and thought that at least I was finally protected against pregnancy and David and I could resume a healthy sex-life.
I dealt with that IUD for 6 months. I was experiencing pain from insertion until extraction. At first, I didn’t know what was a normal amount of pain, but quickly it became very obvious to me that I was encountering more discomfort than I should be. Sex was extremely painful…for both of us. David could feel the IUD poking his most sensitive parts and I felt sharp stabbing followed by intense cramping. This was also the case when I had a bowel movement or with any other pressure south of my belly button. I asked my doctor about this many times until, finally, she ordered an ultrasound to check on the placement of the IUD. Thousands of dollars later, we found out the source of all the pain. The IUD had not even made it into my uterus; It was turned sideways and had implanted in my cervical canal. Apparently, this also rendered it completely useless for preventing pregnancy; I am lucky that I didn’t conceive at that time.
They took it out immediately. On one hand, I was so relieved to no longer be experiencing constant agony, but on the other hand, I was left with no more options for birth control. David is willing to get a vasectomy, but these things take time. After all the trauma my uterus had experienced, I didn’t even dream that I was capable of conceiving anyway.
I sought more options, so I ordered a fertility thermometer and synched it to an App that would track my fertility window. These tools can be very useful in aiding conception as well as avoiding it. My tracker was working and gaining data, so David and I started having sex carefully and avoiding times when I was fertile…still always ‘pulling-out’ as an extra precaution.
I shit you not, I only had one period after the IUD came out before I got pregnant. It took less than 2 months. My tracker had lead me terribly astray.
I found out I was pregnant on June 4th 2021…also the day I got my 2nd Pfizer Covid Vaccine. I told the lady at the pharmacy that I was pregnant and asked if it was safe…She kind of shrugged and jabbed me anyway. I probably had conceived within a few days of my first shot. I was terrified on so many levels. It was very dangerous for me to be pregnant due to my bilateral artery dissection just the year earlier. Too soon to be carrying a child. I also was unsure about the vaccine and pregnancy at the time. My uterus was an issue as well, and I would be very likely to miscarry.
Since I was an early teen, I never thought I could get pregnant, but I have always protected myself anyway. I had been told that I could not have children, so I put it in my brain that I didn’t want them. When I got pregnant, David and I had an awful decision to make. We didn’t want kids, but here we were. I could carry this pregnancy and we would start a family but this choice could come with dyer consequences. Due to the fragility of my arteries, a pregnancy or giving birth had the potential to kill me. Many woman go on from artery dissections to have a family, but it comes with a lot of complications and can be very dangerous and scary.
The decision to abort was not an easy one. My body was raging with hormones and screaming at me to protect this embryo that had made a home in my womb, but we made the appointment to terminate the pregnancy. I cried with my wonderful physician at Planned Parenthood who gave me every resource and option available.
Shortly after I found out about the pregnancy, I began to experience terrible pain. My uterus felt like it was being torn in two. Due to the severity of the agony, it is very likely that the embryo had implanted on the hard spot on my heart-shaped uterus. My uterus was trying to expand, but was unable to budge. The day before I had the abortion, I began to miscarry. While on my way to work, my body began expelling egg-sized blood clots which continued all day. I still went ahead with the abortion, even if it was redundant. The procedure would aid in quickening the process that my body had already started. I’m not gonna lie…the fact that I was miscarrying made the whole experience much easier for my conscience. Coming to the conclusion to abort is never an easy one. Your body still has to go through all the changes of conception. Your boobs grow rapidly and in a very torturous way; your emotions change shockingly quickly; your cravings for food increase fiercely. And when it’s ‘all over’, it is far from over.
Last Friday, the Supreme Court ruled to overturn Roe vs. Wade, putting the power in the hand of state legislators in regards to abortion issues. I am grateful that I live in a state that will continue to protect a woman’s right to access abortion, however, I feel little relief by this fact. I am terrified for woman all over this country. There are thousands of woman out there as you read this that are finding out they are pregnant and have had their choice taken away from them. Thousands of women who cannot afford to leave their jobs to travel across state lines, put themselves up in a hotel and find a doctor who will help them abort an unwanted or dangerous pregnancy. Women who have been raped by strangers in the night or even by family members who are now forced to carry to term. Women who have used birth control that has failed them. My heart goes out to every woman who has had their rights stolen from them. I am devastated. I wish I could do more for women in this country.
So here is my story. It’s one that I never wanted to happen nor something that I ever wanted to let the world know about, but it happened and it’s real and it’s MINE. No one has the right to tell me how MY STORY should have ended.
In case you are curious, I am now the happy carrier of a progestin-only IUD that was inserted with the help of an ultrasound to make sure it is in the correct spot. I am very lucky to have this option after all my struggles.
If you or someone you know needs help with an abortion, send me an email. I have many friends and supportive people in my life who will use all their resources to help in any way possible.
You are right: it deserves to be said. And more: how in hell 4 men and one woman, none of them elected (not that it would matter, anyway), have the balls to take away a right that should not be questioned in the first place?
Absolutely! Thanks for reading!!
Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. There is so much more to every story and every woman should be allowed to make her own difficult decisions. Freedom is supposed to be this country’s first priority, but it doesn’t quite seem to be so these days. I love you.
Love you too. It’s crazy to think about the way people are ignorant on this subject. I try not to let the comments get to me. I know how hard it is to go through such things…there is no joy in abortion…it is not something anyone wants to do or does in a malicious way. But every woman should be able to chose for herself.
Kelly you have always been a remarkably kind and loving person, and no one should have to go through these horrendous ordeals. Super glad that David is such a sane significant other that supports you and cares enough about you to be a stabilizing force in your situation. Kelly you are a strong, courageous and a bona fide badass don’t ever let anyone take that from you.
Many thanks, Chad!
I too am a survivor of spontaneous bilateral VAD with 2 cerebellar strokes at 30 years old. And as if recovery, overcoming physical issues, dealing with the ensuing and almost debilitating anxiety wasn’t hard enough, this ruling makes it all that much scarier.
My husband and I want kids, but I’m scared now between it all, and neither of us really know what to do. And that’s presuming our fertility is normal and ok. We don’t know, and that was something we were going to start looking into until I had the BVAD and strokes this past October.
I fear for all women in this country, and fear what is to come for everyone else because this isn’t the end.
Thank you so much for sharing some of your struggle (I know this is just a piece of the struggle, but if you’re like me, these worries can completely consume you at times). I know plenty of us VAD survivors have gone on to have children with little issues, but there is always the PTSD that will undoubtedly be a factor… And, yes, the recent ruling makes our delicate condition that much scarier, especially because birth control is extremely difficult for us. Some people get pregnant so much easier than others no matter what precautions they take.
I wish you and your husband all the best! If you ever need to an outlet to discuss your concerns or just talk VAD, send me an email! I’m no expert, but its always nice to know we are all in this together.