While I enjoy being social and loved, I have never fully felt comfortable being the center of attention. People are surprised when I tell them how shy I once was(being a bartender for 12 years has pretty much cured that!).
So now that I have created this website and I’m trying to put myself out in the open to friends, family and strangers and ask for money based on MY goals, I find myself really struggling to believe that I’m worth it.
When I was diagnosed with VAD and strokes, I tried to downplay my struggle too. I didn’t know how to reach out and ask for help and I was insecure that I had very suddenly become a person that I didn’t recognize. I had extreme dizziness and brain fog; I was weak and tired; I had a hard time communicating and I got frustrated easily. I’m so thankful to have people in my life that were there for me even when I couldn’t ask.
I’m constantly getting stronger and want to give back to the VAD community. In a way, I’m lucky that I also had strokes. I know it sounds crazy, but VAD is something that very few people have heard of, let alone understand. It somehow doesn’t seem as severe a diagnosis. I’ve learned through my support groups that so many victims of VAD have it much worse than me. The side effects can be the same as stroke, but the medical community has very little they can do to help.
So after a lifetime of trying to hide my struggles and insecurities, here I am sharing my experiences for all to see. At the end of the day, I feel it is completely worth my embarrassment if I can help even one person feel hope by giving them something to relate to, raising awareness for their struggle, or even paying a month’s worth of medical bills.